You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
