I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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