whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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