on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
