oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
my liver is dry heaving
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
