We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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