my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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