Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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