those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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