I'm gonna have a badass scar
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
