My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
