So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
