I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
