I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
