Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
