Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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