It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
