I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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