Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize