My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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