I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
