My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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