a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
