Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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