apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
