I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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