Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
