Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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