I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
