Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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