I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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