Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
