There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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