I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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