I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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