Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
