No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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