she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
