somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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