John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
