i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
