theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
