So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
