I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
