Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
