There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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