Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
