is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
