Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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