the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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