Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
These tits shall not be calmed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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