Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
