Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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