Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
this is an emotional support booty call
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
