Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
